10 Things I Learned From Forensic Files

Netflix sure knows how to turn me into a binge-watching I-probably-should-go-outside-or-do-something-productive-today person.  A while back I discovered they had added 7 new collections (consisting of 40 half hour long episodes) for me to get my crime documentary fix on.  The cases presented do range from very being very clever, to just idiotic.  Anyone who watches Forensic Files religiously like I do will know what I’m talking about.  There are times I’m like “yeah that dude totally did it, there is so much evidence stacked against him” or it’s either “holy crap, how did they ever figure that out?!?”  The show has got me thinking, if you’re going to murder someone, or commit a crime, you better make sure you cover all your bases.  As the phrase goes, “there is no such thing as the perfect crime”, I’ve found the most common 10 mistakes these idiots make over and over again to be the following:

1.) Destroy the murder weapon.  And I mean really destroy it.  Don’t throw it in the same hole with the body.  And make sure you wipe that shit off.

2.) Don’t bury your wife’s body in the crawlspace in the basement.  I mean come on, you’re really gonna make it that easy?

3.) Wear shoes at all times at the crime scene.  Your footprints are as unique as your fingerprints.

4.) When in doubt, burn all the evidence.  Be sure that it’s really all gone.

5.) Better torch the car too.

6.) If you’re the last person seen with a victim and they bring you in, keep your damn mouth shut.

7.) Staging a suicide is not as easy as it seems.  Blood spatter patterns will screw you on this one.  And yes, the investigators will notice.

8.) Try all you want, you’ll never be able to nail someone else’s handwriting.  And you won’t be able to trick those experts either.

9.) Don’t leave witnesses.  And don’t kill the witnesses.

10.) Don’t murder anyone in the first place.

Disclaimer: In no way am I really giving advice on how to get away with a crime in this blog post.  It is purely meant for entertainment.  If you want to kill someone you are a terrible person and you should probably practice on yourself first.

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Down the Netflix Rabbit Hole (and ranting about Marvel)

I apologize for my neglect of keeping up with this whole “blog” thing.  I realized I had nothing interesting to say the past couple of months, hence no new post.  And even now.

My obsession with the show Highway Thru Hell has taken up most of my time.  Like with all Netflix shows, the dangers of watching a pilot and getting sucked in is real.  Same shit happened with Arrow.  I’ve been told by several people I should watch it, and I finally have.  Now there’s no stopping.  I finished a 23 episode season in a week and a half.  I know, it’s pathetic and holy shit.  Mind you, these episodes are about 42 minutes a piece.

It all started when I watched the pilot episode of The Flash.  I was perusing Netflix one day, eager to find a new show to get into (I know, my first mistake, and looking back now, I was asking for trouble), when I came across The Flash.  I figured, what the hell.  The pilot episode introduces Barry Allen a.k.a. The Flash (as you probably guessed).  Anyway, shit goes down, he gets his powers and decides to visit his old buddy, Oliver Queen (The Green Arrow) in Starling City.  Me, having never watched a since episode of Arrow, but did happen to see some article about The Flash appearing in Arrow, except he wasn’t The Flash yet, didn’t understand how the two became tied together.  So, what do I do?  I stop watching The Flash entirely and start watching Arrow.  Because that’s how I am.  I need chronological order.

The shit with the Marvel movies (Captain America, Iron Man, The Avengers, Thor, etc.) really gets me.  As you may or may not know, all 3 Iron Man movies came out first.  So you’re like, “Ok, this Tony Stark storyline happened before the Avengers, right?” And then BAM!  Captain America: The First Avenger comes along years later and suddenly it’s supposed to be the first in chronological order of events.  Then there’s that shit with Thor, and the Agents of Shield.  Now the Black Panther is getting his own movie, and suddenly they’re rebooting Spider-Man for the THIRD time! Oh, and I almost forgot about AntMan and Guardians of the Galaxy, and the failure that is The Hulk (played by 3 different actors now). Nobody gave a shit about the Hulk, because those movies sucked ass, I know they came out before Iron Man but that doesn’t count.  I don’t like the Hulk in the Avengers movies, I admit.

I need order in my life.

DC and Marvel need to stop with this epic fuckery.

Get it? Epic.

If you don’t know literature then move on, you won’t understand the pun.

Yes I do consider these stories epics, even though they’re comics.  They meet the criteria.  Fuck off.

 

 

Congratulations, you’re a foodie.

The word “foodie” needs to die.  You’re not a “foodie”.  You’re not special.  EVERYONE eats food. What, you think because you always eat out, have traveled to places and eaten at restaurants, follow the Tasty page on Facebook (and repost everything they do), have a special food board on your dumb pinterest page full of recipes you will never cook, and watch food network you know all about food?  STFU.

I hate reading restaurant reviews (and I’m talking about all restaurants I have gone to and heard about, not just the one I work at) because of the know-it-all “foodies” that are constantly posting.  Those Yelp! reviewers who complain about the smallest shit and over exaggerate about how bad the food or service was.  My favorite part is when they start their reviews out by saying, “I’m a foodie so….”

“I didn’t like this, or this wasn’t how it was supposed to be, and I would know because I’m a foodie.”  Congratulations, I’m a goddamn chef and apparently I don’t know as much about food as you.  Maybe you should stop taking photos of your food and coffee for Instagram and keep your fucking mouth shut when you’re eating.

Black and Blue

I’ve debated with myself whether or not to address this issue, but I can’t ignore it anymore.  Five innocent people died a few nights ago in Dallas doing their job, protecting the citizens of the United States.  I watched videos of the horror unfolding as police defended themselves against terrorists.  That’s right, terrorists.

The Black Lives Matter movement must end.  It is nothing more than a hate group.  Another KKK if you think about it.  Only they don’t dress as ghosts and their violence is directed at LEOs.  I don’t even know what their goal is.  What are they hoping to change?  Since their forming, violence on police and communities has escalated.  If it continues it just opens the door for more violence. Think about it.  Police are scared for their lives.  With all this hatred being directed at them, don’t you think they’re stressed out enough as it is?  And now they’re being hunted and targeted.  Of course shootings are going to increase, they fear for their lives.  If you don’t comply with their commands, they’re going to assume you’re going to harm them.  What is so hard to understand about that?!?

Here are some facts BLM is ignoring:

Less than 400 people are year are killed by police officers. 61% are white, 32% black males.

Blacks make up 6.5% of the US population, 52% of all murders are caused by black males.

And here’s my favorite: 90% of blacks die at the hand of other blacks (taken from the FBI homicide report)

If BLM cared about black lives, why aren’t they addressing the issue, that 90% of the time, they’re killing each other?

I understand there are some bad apples in the bunch and it’s unfortunate the actions of those officers reflect negatively on police as a whole.  I get there are racist, power-tripping LEOs, however, there are also those who joined the force for the good of the community.  Some of them have served in our armed forces.  Don’t they deserve respect?

I keep going back to one incident that happened in Milwaukee a few years back.  Laylah Petersen.  Do you recognize that name?  Probably not.  A three year girl, sitting on her grandfathers lap in her home, who was killed by a drive-by shooting committed by three men.  Where was the national outrage for her?  Around the same time, some thug named Mike Brown, who had just robbed a small store, gets shot by an officer after charging at him and not complying.  A city burns down.  People crying for justice for Mike Brown, meanwhile police are looking for Laylah Petersen’s killers and need the help of the community they protect to help bring justice for this innocent toddler’s grieving family.  This is what is wrong with America.  The thugs become the victims, the officers become the bad guys, and the innocents become forgotten.

I partly blame the media for this shit.  I hate them, I don’t trust “journalism” in this country anymore.  Journalism is dead.  Keep up the fear and panic, keep Americans divided, whether it be gay marriage, gun control, or BLM.  Americans need to wake up and realize that.  We’ve become more divided now than ever in modern history.  Our President now is not helping the situation either.  What will it take to bring Americans back together?  Another 9/11 like attack? Another Katrina? A strong leader like MLK Jr. or Abraham Lincoln?  An act of God?  Who the fuck knows, and quite frankly, who the fuck cares.

Get your shit together America.

The rainbow flag has got to go

I normally don’t get my opinions involved in something like this, but I saw some things on the Yahoo! homepage last night that really upset me. Didn’t upset me quite as much as the Orlando nightclub shooting, but it was enough to make me write about this. The universal symbol of gay pride: the rainbow flag.

First I want to acknowledge that I am a full supporter of gay rights.  Second, I am an American (by that I mean I love this country and everything it originally stood for and hate its politicians).

This horrible act was carried out by some POS (I honestly don’t even care to remember his name) who pledged his allegiance to ISIS over a 911 phone call while he was inside the club killing a bunch of innocent, unarmed AMERICANS.  By now it’s no secret these ISIS assholes have a gripe with America, and their blind followers have carried out attacks on Americans over the past year.

So why should this one be any different? Because they were gay? Because some Americans don’t agree with their lifestyle? Because other “Americans” (Westboro) are rejoicing it happened? Because the Bible tells me so?

It’s not.

This was an attack on Americans by a terrorist.

Not an attack on the gay community as a whole.  These were Americans. We should be flying the colors of the American flag.

We can’t keep separating ourselves like this! If we do this, then it allows those people who don’t support the gay community to turn a blind eye to what happened to their fellow countrymen.  It’s time to put personal differences and religious bullshit aside and mourn the loss of these human lives together.  Whatever happened to “United we stand”?

Adult crime, adult court.

Roughly 2 years ago, 2 pre-teen girls by the name of Anissa Weier and Morgan Geyser were arrested and charged with attempting to murder a fellow classmate by stabbing her 19 times and leaving her for dead in a park (a passerby noticed the girl laying off the trail and was able to call for help.  She has since recovered.) Their motive for the crime was to appease their idol “Slender Man” by shedding blood for him, and then they planned to walk from their hometown of Waukesha, WI. all the way to Nicolet National Forest (way the hell up north in Wisconsin).  The two were found by police walking alongside the road.  When police checked their backpacks they found the bloody knife, along with other supplies they needed for their long walk north including snacks, flashlights, etc.

The news made national headlines and sparked a debate on whether or not the girls, 12 years old at that age, were able to understand the severity of their actions. Both were ordered a psychological evaluation and it was discovered that one of them showed signs of schizophrenia. When police questioned both of the girls on the incident the girls explained they were trying to become “proxies” of Slender Man.

I’ve been following this case since it happened.  The public is pretty much divided on the topic if the girls should stand trial in adult or juvenile court.  Currently the judge decided they will be tried in adult court.  While I don’t disagree this is a horrible crime, I have to wonder if the girls really should be tried in adult court.  If they’re convicted they face up to 45 years.  In my opinion, the girls knew what they were doing was wrong, however it seems they didn’t realize the severity of their actions. They did this crime to appease a fictional character whom they completely believed to be real. At 12 years old, you know right from wrong, but your also young enough to still believe in Santa Claus and the Toothfairy.  Some people want to blame the girls parents for not seeing the “signs” that their children were obsessed with a fictional character.

The other side to this is how horrendous the crime was.  I’m sure the victims family will be pushing for the maximum.  I can’t imagine what kind of psychological damage this has done for the victim.  The girls admitted they knew what they were doing was wrong. The popular word for them on the comment section in the articles is “monster”.

Either way, this case made national news for a reason.  The debate on whether or not they actually are old enough for adult court continues.  Do you look at the age of the defendants or the crime? Only time will tell what their future is.

Paranormal what now?

Some of my fondest childhood memories include watching a brand new episode of Most Haunted on Friday nights with my sister.  Most Haunted was a British paranormal TV show hosted by Yvette Fielding, featuring “psychic-medium” Derek Acorah, along with investigators Karl Beattie, Stuart Torevell and parapsychologist Ciaran O’Keeffe.  As you can probably guess from the title the whole purpose was the show was to visit the most haunted locations in the UK and make great television by jumping at the sound of everything, scream at random times and pretend to see moving shadows.  The purpose of the psychic medium was to provide “historic” facts about the location, communicate with the dead, and the occasional possession (hilarious to me now, not so much when I was young and dumb) by one of the spirits still hanging about.  This was the only paranormal TV show at the time (that I knew of).

It was a treat for my sister and I.  We loved sitting in the living room, getting the absolute shit scared out of us.  Sometimes the episode would be so scary, my sister would crawl into bed with me later than night because she would start seeing “the little man in the corner” again. When you’re 12 and 9 years old you believe everything you see on TV.  Derek Acorah was real to us. More than anything ghosts were real to us.  The whole show was proof in the paranormal.  Come to find out a few years later, it was all fake.  I know, shocking right?!?

My point is, that was the paranormal show on TV.  Later on I would discover a documentary made by 3 film students called Ghost Adventures. The two locations visited were the Old Washoe Club and the Goldfield Hotel located in Nevada.  Both of these place are notorious for their permanent residents.  The documentary itself is very raw and not well explored.  The most memorable scene from this documentary is the levitating brick.  Seeing that happen for the first was incredible.  Although, I was very skeptical about its authenticity.  Today two of the three are still heavily involved in the paranormal.  You’ve probably heard of them.  Zak Bagans and Aaron Goodwin.  Today they have one of the hottest shows on the Travel Channel called the Ghost Adventures.  Zak Bagans has somewhat become of the face of the paranormal movement and has since written two books about the subject (I’ve read both) and produced multiple projects and shows surround the subject.  The third member of the core group, Nick Groff also wrote a book (read that one too) and has moved on to spearhead his own projects.  Today they’ve been all over the world, investigated some of the most haunted locations including Eastern State Penitentiary, Ancient Ram Inn, Bobby Mackey’s, Waverly Hill Sanatorium, The Queen Mary, The Myrtles Plantation and the Winchester Mystery House to name a few.  Seriously, they’ve been to a lot of places. Whether you believe in ghosts or not, I consider this group to be the most authentic and professional of all paranormal investigators.  I’ve never seen anything on their show that would suggest fake evidence (and believe me, I watch every episode as a skeptic).  They do appear genuine in their pursuit and presentation of paranormal evidence, but then again, I’ve been fooled before.

Around the same time these guys were coming up, another paranormal show paving the way to the entire paranormal TV show boom was Ghost Hunters.  This show centered around two guys, Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson, and their group called The Atlantic Paranormal Society a.k.a. TAPS.  Plumbers by day, ghost hunters by night, the group investigated private residences in their early days, “debunking” paranormal claims and telling residents they don’t believe their house was haunted.  Later on in their history they would branch out more and investigate more notorious places like Bobby Mackey’s and Eastern State Penitentiary.  They would also get caught faking some evidence.  Not sure what became of them.  I don’t know if they’re still around and I don’t care.

Another show that pops up in my mind is Paranormal State.  This show was centered around the Penn State Paranormal Society, led by Ryan Buell.  The group was made up of students from Penn State, most in the journalism major, for the purpose of investigating cases for clients.  This show had a guest psychic-medium named Chip Coffey. Also making an appearance at random times was famed demonologist Lorraine Warren (Ed and Lorraine Warren, THE Ed and Lorraine Warren.  I’m going to have to go into a whole side note aren’t I? (Ok so these two became famous when they investigated the case of Lutz family, you know, the Amityville Horror house?  I’m sure you’ve seen the trailer for the movie starring Ryan Reynolds and some point in your life.  The famous house at 112 Ocean Avenue was the site of a puzzling murder case which is believed to have been triggered by demonic possession of Ronald DeFao.  DeFao basically shot up his mother, father and 4 siblings in the middle of the night and nobody heard a thing. The Warrens also founded the Occult Museum located in Connecticut (one museum I really want to visit but will probably be too chicken shit to do so) that holds Annabelle the demonically possessed doll and a bunch of other haunted items.)  Shit I am so sorry, I got sidetracked again. I can go on about this stuff for hours.) So anywho, this show basically got into the whole “there’s a demon here” vibe.  It only ran for 5 seasons. Buell became famous in the paranormal world and released a book (yes, I read that too) and now I don’t know where he is, nor do I care much.

I consider these 4 shows the pavers for the paranormal show boom.  After these came, Ghost Lab, Ghost Asylum, Ghost Mine, Paranormal Challenge, Haunted Collector (don’t get me started on that fool), Paranormal Cops (polices officers by day, ghost hunters by night), Psychic Detectives, Psychic Kids (way to exploit your children, parents. Chip Coffey was a part of this bullshit), Ghost Hunters Academy (spinoff of Ghost Hunters, basically a competition looking for a replace investigator for TAPS that they turned into a TV show to cash in on the paranormal reality show boom), Celebrity Ghost Stories, and Ghost Hunters International (TAPS again) to name a few.  Seriously I can go on.  Everyone is trying to cash in on the paranormal hype these days.

The whole point of this blog post boils down to this.  There are way too many shows out there now trying to get a piece of this pie and it’s upsetting to me.  What really did it for me was when I saw a commercial yesterday for a new show called Ghost Brothers (it follows a team of African-American paranormal investigators).  That was it.  Ghost Brothers.  Really!?! It’s not even a racial thing.  It’s the fact that there are way too many
“paranormal investigators” out there now, running around and making a mockery out of the field.

I am passionate about the paranormal as you probably have guessed by now.  I don’t know all of it, but I know enough to know bullshit when I see it.  I consider myself to be an open skeptic when it comes to this stuff. To see all of these other TV shows out there trying to force feed people paranormal proof sickens me.  I get they’re for entertainment purposes, but for those of us who genuinely believe in life after death and finding answers, or discovery the mystery of historic places, it’s almost disrespectful.  Then again, the greed of some people doesn’t surprise me.

My laughable trip down memory lane

About a month ago my mom decided she didn’t want to keep my old yearbooks around their house anymore and asked me if I wanted to take them back to my apartment.  Naturally I said yes and she handed me a bin full of all my yearbooks from nearly every year I was in school.

Two days ago I finally retrieved the bin from the trunk of my car were it had been sitting for the past month.  Today I finally opened the bin and saw that sitting at the very top of it was my journal I had made my senior year of high school for my creative writing class.

I couldn’t resist myself.  I opened the cover of the book and there I was. One of my senior pictures along with a self-description of myself.  Let me tell you, if my 26 year-old self was able to talk to my 18-year-old self, I would tell myself to cut the emo shit.  Good gravy was I immature.  I mean, I’m still immature, but jeez!

I’ve heard this a thousand times, and I didn’t believe when I was that age, but 18-year-olds don’t know shit.  I’ve come to the realization that I will never know shit, no matter how old I am.

I felt embarrassed as I thumbed through the pages of this journal, reading about my thoughts on life and my future as an 18-year-old.  I never would have guessed my life would end up like this (and I mean that in a good way).  It’s crazy to look back at what I wrote about my future career plans to become a police officer, and then pull a complete 180 and go to culinary school and become a chef.

I still have never lived out of state though, but I did travel to Canada.  Still haven’t been to Germany, the Vatican or the Grand Canyon.  I don’t find my sister as annoying anymore either, now I just miss her a lot.  And my parents.

The page that really got me was the one I dedicated to Mason.  This sounds really sappy, but he was my best-friend throughout those awkward teenage years.  When he died, that chapter of my life closed, and this new one (the one were I live by myself now, and have a career and become an aunt) began.

I got to the end of the journal and saw that I had many unused pages left.  Perhaps I’ll fill them up one day.  Who the hell knows.  I sure didn’t at 18.  Maybe in another 8 years I look back at this post and hate my immaturity all over again.

Kick it baby!

Tonight I felt my niece move for the first time! My sister and I had gotten back from getting dinner and decided to watch Netflix. We’ve been trying to catch her moving for awhile now. My sister says she usually moves around after a meal, before bed or around 2 a.m. After we finished eating we sat for a few minutes and patiently waited for…something. My sister calls me over and I place my hand on her belly. After about 3 minutes of nothing, suddenly I feel it. A little wave, very faint, but it was there. I look over at my sister as a smile crosses her face. 

“Did you feel her?” she asks. 

“That was her?!?”

And that was it.